Before a change in the Law in 2022, there were five different grounds for divorce: adultery, unreasonable behaviour, desertion, two years separation (with consent), or five years’ separation (without consent). Today, there is only one ground for divorce: the marriage has irretrievably broken down. This change removed the element of blame associated with divorce, and arguably some of the stigma. There is no longer a need for one party to be “in the wrong”. Indeed, as a society, attitudes to divorce have changed so much that there is a common belief that half of marriages end in divorce, despite the official statistics showing an overall decline in the number of divorces since 1993.
This change in attitudes is reflected in some of the most common reasons we come across for a marriage’s breakdown. Here (in no particular order) are the 10 most common reasons.
- The marriage has simply run its course
Sometimes a marriage simply runs its course as people change over time. For some couples, they change in broadly the same direction or have enough in common that they find the balance to do their own thing alongside being a couple. For others, as children grow and retirement approaches, they want very different things for the later stages of their lives. Equally, some couples simply grow tired of each other.
- The relationship suffers while partners focus on everything else
Every generation faces unique challenges. Technology and the connected world are probably the biggest challenge for many couples today. Answering work emails, social media, and 24/7 news in an unstable world make it very difficult to switch off. It’s easy to see how date night can end up being sharing a bottle of wine while you both answer emails, instead of time focused on your relationship. It’s all too common for focusing on your relationship to fall by the wayside and the relationship to break down.
- Cheating and infidelity
Adultery is still one of the most common reasons why married couples separate. Where children are involved, or where one parent (usually the wife) gives up work to focus on raising the children, adultery may be ignored for many years. Once the children have left home, or the stay-at-home parent returns to the workplace, feelings of resentment may return and result in divorce. In other cases, the adultery simply cannot be ignored and divorce happens while the children still live at home.
- Financial stress
Money worries are a common source of stress leading to arguments and eventually the breakdown of a marriage. Redundancy, one partner earning less than the other, or disagreement over the priorities for the family’s budget, can all lead to a breakdown in the marriage.
Financial concerns are also one of the most common reasons that people put off getting a divorce. Women in particular often give up work to raise the children. With a gap in their CV, and the need for ongoing childcare, many women feel they won’t be able to support themselves and their children if they get a divorce. It is important to understand that giving up a career to raise the family is something that needs to form part of any financial settlement, and we will always work to help secure your financial security. Indeed, the Courts now consider the non-financial contributions made to the marriage -such as raising the children – and the potential impact this will have had on earning capacity.
- Addictive behaviour
Whatever type of addictive behaviour someone exhibits – be it drinking, drugs, or gambling – the stress that the problem behaviour causes their spouse will be felt long before the problem reaches a climax. Sometimes one spouse needs to get out of the marriage for their own wellbeing or the wellbeing of their children.
- Intimacy problems
Society has changed dramatically in its understanding of how the aging process differs for men and women. Menopause is recognised as being a potential disability for some women, and mainstream TV regularly features commercials for erectile dysfunction treatments. On an individual level, failure to recognise your differing needs as you age can lead to resentment or infidelity that takes a couple down the path of divorce.
- Poor communication
When people feel they are not being listened to, they often become resentful or defensive. Over time, this poor communication can spiral, with each partner attempting to prove the other person to be in the wrong.
- Abusive or controlling behaviour
Abuse is a complex problem that takes many forms. From the outside it’s easy to judge and say that you would never put up with such behaviour. Often the abused partner will stay in the relationship because there are children involved. Sometimes they may be too scared to leave the relationship. Equally, emotional abuse or controlling behaviour is often hidden from the outside world. The person being abused feels no one will believe them if they speak out. We will always listen to you and will help you escape an abusive relationship.
- A change of heart
Sometimes referred to as “buyer’s remorse”. Occasionally, people very quickly realise that marriage is very different from how they thought it would be. Unlike previous generations, younger people are more likely to admit that they are not happy and decide to divorce.
- Parenting differences
Differing attitudes and beliefs about parenting styles can be a major source of conflict within a marriage. It’s all too easy to assume that everyone would want to raise their children the way that we were raised ourselves. Yet sometimes couples haven’t discussed major decisions such as which religion their children will be raised in.
At Bramhall Solicitors, our Family Law team are committed to handling divorce in a non-confrontational way with the aim of bringing about a swift and fair financial settlement for you. To find out more, call us on 0161 439 9777.